The Parasite God
by ashangel101010
Summary: "Oh you liked to think that you're a god. You're not a god. You're just a parasite eaten out with jealousy and envy and longing for the lives of others." He feels his blood rushing to his cheeks, making splotches on his pale, lightly freckled face...he's standing before a holo of Kylo Ren, a fake of a fake.


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Suggested Theme:

Main Theme- The Long Song from Doctor Who

* * *

By the Divine Mother, he cannot wait for his shore leave tomorrow. He needs to get off this ship and away from the source of his stress. It is not from the duties of being a freshly-minted general that are consuming him nor is it of being made one at the unfathomably young age of twenty-four. It is not from his almost weekly audiences with the Supreme Leader; although, when he first met the mysterious entity, he was actually quite disappointed that Supreme Leader wasn't a dragon. It is not from inefficacy of his staff; Mitaka and Umano deserve their much needed shore leave, especially after dealing with the true source of his stress.

Kylo Ren.

When they first met, Hux had hopes that they would have a fine working relationship. Would they be like Vader and Tarkin?

Most certainly not.

After witnessing Ren taking out his temper on the Stormtroopers and some of the higher-ups, Hux knows that Ren will never be like Vader. Vader would take out his anger on the incompetent higher-ups and leave the Stormtroopers mostly alone, or at least that's how his history teacher like to spin it. Hux also acknowledges that he will never be Tarkin. Even though Tarkin did _salvage_ his dad, he always found the Grand Moff to be too arrogant; Hux knows that he can act hardheaded but at least he accepts that he's being an asshole after the fact.

He should be asleep now; it's his scheduled time to sleep. He needs at least six hours of rest to be energized enough to deal with all of the bullshit that Ren will most likely put him through before his shore leave time.

But if he falls asleep, Ren might try to look in his mind again. Normally, the mind is unprotected from psychic attacks, or mind reading in Hux's case, during sleep. Unfortunately, Hux's aunt taught him how to protect his mind during sleep, but it robs him of his dreams and also makes him wake up two hours earlier than he's supposed to. Fighting off Ren in his sleep for nearly a month has taken away most of Hux's energy.

But, perhaps, after he works out his stress he'll have the energy to try and sleep. Hopefully, Ren will leave him be for tonight.

He smiles weakly and picks up his pad to play his music. He's going to recite one of his favorite speeches of all time and it just so happens to require music. He's always loved the song accompanying the speech.

" _Rest now…my warrior._

 _Rest now, your hardship is over."_

"Okay then, that's what I'll do. I will tell you a story." At this moment, he decides to quickly pull up an image of Kylo Ren and uses his holoprojector to render his image life-size. The holo of Kylo Ren is looming at him; he appears to be the embodiment of stoic darkness. A black knight. But Hux, he knows better. He knows what a knight is and Ren is nothing but a fake. Well, at least in his eyes.

" _Live._

 _Wake up._

 _Wake up._

 _And let the cloak of life_

 _Cling to your bones."_

"Can you hear them? All these people who lived in terror of you and your judgement. All these people whose ancestors devoted themselves, sacrificed themselves _to you_. Can you hear them singing?" A switch is flipped on in Hux and he feels, oh-so feels amusement and hope flow through him. With Kylo Ren, he was always on his guard, keeping his emotions in check. He didn't want that wannabe Sith _Lord_ stomping around in his mind like he was another person he can simply break apart whenever he damn well felt like it.

" _Cling to your bones._

 _Wake up,_

 _Wake up."_

His timing is slightly off with the song, but it's been quite a while since he last practiced it. The last time was scarcely an hour before he and Thrawn had to pull off an operation, which would've been quite treasonous in the eyes of the Chiss Ascendancy and potentially the First Order if they failed, in secret in order to protect Csilla. He really needs to make time to see Thrawn again; maybe attend one of his political balls perhaps in the next month or two. Really depends on where Supreme Leader's orders take the _Finalizer_.

" _Live._

 _Wake up._

 _Wake up."_

"Oh you liked to think that you're a god. You're not a god. You're just a parasite eaten out with jealousy and envy and longing for the lives of others." He feels his blood rushing to his cheeks, making splotches on his pale, lightly freckled face. It took him years to be able to make himself appear calm on the outside while he's raging on the inside. However, he's not standing in front of a board of Empire-longing Admirals; he's standing before a holo of Kylo Ren, a fake of a fake.

" _And let the cloak of life_

 _Cling to your bones._

 _Cling to your bones."_

" _You feed on them_ , on the memory of love and loss, and birth and death, and joy and sorrow! So…So…come on, then. Take mine. Take my memories." He knows that Force-users experience emotions and life on another level; his aunt taught him and shown him that when he was a child. Kylo Ren probably suffered in his training, but Hux doubts that the Master of the Knights of Ren has ever loved like him. Hux loves fiercely, wildly, and recklessly more than he should; and for that, he has endured so much sorrow and loss. But he won't stop loving because love is stronger than the Force.

" _Wake up,_

 _Wake up."_

"But I hope you've got a big appetite because I've _lived_ a long life and I've seen a few things." Kylo Ren will never, ever know Hux's life; he may have clearance to read his file and he may try to rip apart his mind with the Force, but he will never, ever understand him. And Hux is just fine with not understanding Ren either. What's the point of empathizing with a puppet that doesn't know he's a puppet; he'll probably die just like Darth Vader anyways.

" _Live._

 _Wake up._

 _Wake up._

 _And let the cloak of life_

 _Cling to your bones."_

"I walked away from the Last Great Time War. I marked the passing of the Time Lords." Hux isn't completely human; he's two-thirds human and a third of something ancient and terrible. Of something gone and wonderful. Of something magical and lovely. He's a third Earthling. And he's one of the last people in _this_ galaxy with Earthling blood in his veins.

" _Cling to your bones._

 _Wake up,_

 _Wake up."_

"I saw the birth of the universe and I watched as time ran out, moment by moment, until nothing remained. No time. No space. Just _me_. I walked in universe where the laws of physics were devised by the mind of a _mad man_." There are tears pricking his eyes; how long has it been since he cried? Three years? No, four years. He was twenty when he last rehearsed this speech before aiding Thrawn. He was aching with anxiety back then because Thrawn would've lost everything if he made one mistake on the operation. He put his faith _completely_ in Hux.

"I've watched universes freeze and creations _burn_. I've seen things you wouldn't _believe_. I have lost things you will never _understand_. And I know things. Secrets that must never be told. Knowledge that must never be spoken." His tears are so wet and salty, worse than the rain-drenched land of Arkanis; he never quite understood why his dad loved it there. It was so dreary and muddy, and the people there weren't much better. Well, except those in the artist district; they were lively and probably hopped up on spice.

"Knowledge that will make parasite gods _**BLAZE**_ _._ **SO COME ON THEN! TAKE IT! TAKE IT ALL, BABY!** **HAVE IT! YOU HAVE IT ALL!** " Thank the contractors and engineers who were smart enough to install soundproof walls in his room. Last thing he needs is a Stormtrooper or Mitaka walking by his room and hearing his speech. He would rather not have someone winning the bet that he would go mad before his first year was over; he has a feeling that bet was made because of Kylo Ren.

" _To your bones._

 _Wake up,_

 _Wake up."_

Hux wants to fall to his knees and strike the floor with his hands until his palms bleed. He's been bottling up, damming up his anger, his anxiety, and his sadness for too long. The point of the speech is to let it all out, to let go. And he's doing it right now; he's cried and screamed at the source of his frustrations. But it's not really his source of his frustrations. It's just a projection that can't respond to him; it can't hit him, yell at him, or maybe have a civil conversation with him.

But at least this one can't Force-choke his staff. At least this one can't be Snoke's unpunishable, undisciplined apprentice. At least this one can't steal his dreams. He switches off the holo.

"I think I'm ready to sleep now. And, please, the Ashla, the Divine Mother, the Great Dragon, or Crowley, please make Kylo Ren leave me alone tonight. I just want six uninterrupted hours of sleep tonight. You can give me Hell on my shore leave tomorrow as the price for those six, wonderful hours of sleep tonight." Hux prefers to make Faustian bargains with the universe if only because he doesn't believe that an all-powerful entity would be merciful.

The Force, the Sith, the Jedi, and Kylo Ren are primary examples of that. Although, Kylo Ren is only on that list because he's just as aggravating as the formers.

"Hope that fucker suffers from crippling nightmares tonight." Hux murmurs as he lays himself to rest. The lights are off, but he hasn't turned off his music. The _Finalizer_ does provide him enough noise for him to sleep with the whirring of engines and stomping of boots, but the music provides his dreams life. And he hopes that Ren won't kill his dreams before they can be born.

* * *

 **Author's Comments-** Hux of the story has only known Kylo Ren for almost a month and hasn't built up the tolerance that his movie self has. It probably would've been more appropriate if I chose a famous fascist's, or a tyrant's, or one of Palpatine's speeches. However, I'm not really into historical speeches; I prefer fictional and I don't remember the prequels that well.

I'm going to be honest and say that, aside from the movies and _Star Wars Rebels_ , I'm not that knowledgeable when it comes to the _Star Wars_ universe. However, I did pick up some books for research, but five out of eight (three of those are the _Thrawn_ trilogy) are part of the debunked Expanded Universe. In fact, two characters from the Expanded Universe are mentioned in passing in this story. Two out of the eight books are in this gray area where it is technically part of the Expanded Universe but it's also canon in a sense. There's one more book I have yet to acquire and read, but it might actually fall into the realm of canon.

Anyways, I decided to just cherry-pick what I want from the books and _**try**_ to make it seem possible within the _Force Awakens_ lore. However, I pretty much decided to just write my headcannons that I have for Hux and eventually Kylo Ren. And one of my headcannons is that Hux is a Whovian, which I will eventually explain how that is possible in an eventual one-shot. This is not my first _Star Wars_ story, but it is my first completed one. I have a couple of one-shots and a multi-chapter story in the pipeline. This is probably going to diverge from canon because that's what always happen when I write a story. If you see a mistake in grammar, spelling, punctuation, capitalization, or really awkward, unclear wording let me know. I am my own editor and I can't catch all of my mistakes.


End file.
